Welcome to sex ed of the twenty first century, ladies!

Here are ten lessons on sex your teacher never taught you. Not in elementary school, not in high school, not anywhere!  Ten things that weren’t in the lesson plans and frankly, things they were just too embarrassed to talk about. And what were we left with? Movies with idealistic love scenes and ridiculous, hyper sexualized pornos. Heck, we know nothing about sex until we start having sex.

Here are ten things you kinda, sorta (definitely) wish they taught you in sex ed. Take notes ladies, class is in session!

It’s totally okay to have sex when you’re on your period. “OMG, that’s so gross!” Yeah, well you know what? Sex is pretty gross when you think about it and that doesn’t stop us from doing the deed.  Trust us, it’s no big deal. Just lay down a towel, use protection (because yes, you CAN get pregnant even when you’re on your period) and let the sexy times begin. You’re welcome.

You get hornier when you ovulate. Your desire increases when you’re ovulating because that’s when you experience higher testosterone levels and that makes you feel…well, A LOT hornier than usual. It’s no coincidence our desire for sex increases around the same time we’re most likely to get pregnant. Ten points for biology!

You have the capacity to orgasm multiple times. Oh yeah baby, that’s right. Sex can be downright euphoric from beginning to end. Once you reach your first orgasm, the female body is capable of reaching another and another in succession. Unlike men, women don’t experience a refractory period after their first climax. They have superhuman powers that allows them to keep em’ coming if they want to. 

Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. Okay, I know we got you super excited about the last one. But in order for all those incredible orgasms to happen, you need a partner who knows what they’re doing. At least know what you like so you can tell them what to do. Because the truth is, plain ol’ vanilla sex ain’t going to cut it. You better hope he likes to go downtown.

Consent is sexy. It’s been a while since we’ve had a sex ed class, years in fact. We remember the diagrams of vaginas and penises, we can even remember a silly demonstration involving a banana and a condom. What we don’t remember was talk about consensual sex. Consent is important. Make your intentions known and don’t forget to respect your partner. And if you’re both happily willing, by all means, carry on.

Pee after sex. Life tip of the day, ladies. Sex can introduce unwanted bacteria in the woman’s urethra. So after every lovemaking session, take two minutes to go to the washroom to pee it out. Urinating helps flush out all the bacteria in there. If you don’t, don’t be surprised if you wake up with a urinary tract infection. Sounds fun, right?

On average, sex usually lasts 10 minutes or less. It’s pretty much a fact so enjoy every minute of it.

You will have to clean up. Movies and television shows like to skip this part altogether and go straight for the cuddling. But that’s not real life. In the real world, he’ll ejaculate, you’ll cum and wow, it’s pretty amazing. But suddenly there’s fluids everywhere. You can’t just let it sit there and hope it will evaporate (it won’t). Take a minute to catch your breathe, then clean yourselves up. THEN you can cuddle, take a nap, eat a sandwich – whatever!

Be prepared for funny sounds. Sex doesn’t sound sexy all the time. Sure, there’s moaning but your bodies are banging against each other, he’s making those weird grunting sounds and what was that?! Did I just fart from my vagina?! No girl, that was a queef. No worries, take it all in stride. Even the weird and funny parts about sex make it pretty magical.

Penises come in all shapes and sizes. Not like this should come to you as a surprise. But hey, all those lame diagrams they show you in sex ed don’t do ’em justice.

 Tell us:

Is there anything else you wish they taught you in sex ed?